Letters from the Heart
by Sg1Trooper
Summary: Jack's last chance to tell Sam what is in his heart is in a letter he writes to her and he waits to see if she will respond
1. Default Chapter

Letters from the Heart

This is a WIP this is part 1 with others to follow. I hope you all enjoy.

I'm waiting I know it's a long shot but I had to try one last time. I sent her a note with what was in my heart. I can't do it face to face if I did I would never have the nerve.

So I poured my love, my hopes and dreams into that letter hoping she'd understand what I no we've both known for so long.

I sent her my heart in that letter and I'm hoping its not to late. I know I should have acted sooner but pride was my downfall.

It kept me from the woman I had wanted to be my wife since the first day I had the honor to stand next to her that first time we both step through the gate together. She always amazed me how she was a soldier, doctor and very much a woman all in one.

I knew then what I know now that I would not exist if she had not saved me from the darkness that was my mind. The loneliness that was my life and showed me the light that saved my heart and my soul.

I sent her a ticket and asked her to come away with me. To right the wrong that has gone too far. Would she come and give us a chance at love or was I just kidding myself thinking she would care for a fool like me.

She's getting married tomorrow and I hope it wasn't me that pushed her to this decision. I was angry and hurt that she would betray me so. Was this her way of telling me to act was she pleading with me to show her how I felt.

I wait to see if she'll show up and make me complete. The minutes tick by the plane is starting to board but my true love is no were in sight.

I lower my head and curse myself in my mind. I had the opportunity to have everything but gambled and loss. I crumple the ticket and pick up my bag. Knowing I must forget the dream that I once had. The dream that kept me hoping for a future with the woman I loved and lost to my indecision that will haunt me for the rest of my life.


	2. Letters from the Heart Sam's Letter

Part 2

The day is getting closer and he still hasn't professed his love for me. It was a huge risk I know this now but I had to do something to see if he would finally tell me what I wanted to hear. I had thought when he saw that I was dating it would jolt him from the fog he had been walking around in and finally say what was in his heart. He knew what we meant to each other and that my love for him would never fade.

But the longer I kept Pete around the more distant he became. He started to make excuse for not being around me and would plan things with the guys and wouldn't include me to any of these gatherings.

I had to do something to get a reaction. I showed him the ring and he used his humor to mask his pain. This had been my gamble but I was willing to put all my cards on the table if he would finally show me that what I felt for him would be returned.

I asked him if things had been different and held my breath afraid of what he would say afraid that I had finally pushed him so far away from me that he would never come back.

His response surprised me he said he wouldn't be here. Jack was a maze and every time you had it figured out another wall came up to block your path to his love.

He had been my rock for so long but now I don't know. He has tried to mask his feelings only breaking down to show me how he felt when life and death situation are upon us.

Too much history has been left unfinished between us and this is what I'm feeling. I should never have dated another man. He never should have started dating another woman. Watching him talk to her and smile the smile that was once mine kills me inside and I die a little each time. My plans backfired and I am to blame. It would have been so easy if I had just given into what was in my heart than in my mind. The mind makes you think too much and makes you weigh the consequences of your choices.

Three things always came up to mind at these times. Rules and Regulations, our careers, or commitment those were the barriers keeping us apart or were they just his way of staying away from me?

I sit here alone in my backyard having sent Pete and my brother away asking to be left alone. I look up at the sky and wish for a sign. I have let this go too far and I need to act.

I grab a pen and paper and start to write.

I tell him of my mistakes and my gambles. That I was doing this to get a reaction from him; I write I have lost my dignity and only want what I know both of us cannot deny any longer our love is stronger then any tie any bond our love is pure and worth fighting for.

I told him I would call all of this off if he would just please tell me that he loved me and that he still wanted me.

I wrote this all and sealed it with a kiss. I knew he would not be home and went over and slipped it under his door.

I was tempted to wait but didn't. I went home and sat knowing what ever he decided I would honor his decision. The night passed in a blur and Pete and Mark came back home drunk. I put both of them to bed and slept on the couch. I awoke to the phone ringing and my heart stopped. I ran to answer and hoped it was him.

It turned out to be the wedding planner with reminders of things I needed to do before the big day. I was thinking to myself there might not be a big day. The guys got up and I waited on pins and needles. I called the SGC and found out he had left that morning and would be off the rest of the day.

My heart shattered. He was home he must have gotten my note and his not responding was my answer. I gave the guys an excuse that I needed to run errands and jumped on my bike. I needed to get away.

I cried. I knew I had lost the only man I could ever love, the only one that would ever complete me. I had gambled when I wrote that note and lost.


	3. her silence

Her silence was her response by her not showing at the airport the bond that I thought we shared was severed. I never thought I would regret writing what I felt for her in that letter. I had opened my heart to her I needed her to know what I felt and now that she did she rejected it and had shown what a fool I was to believe she would return those feelings.

Leaving the airport I am a man on a mission. That mission being to drink until I can no longer feel or have to face the reality that is my life. I am destined to be alone since the only person I could ever love has shattered my heart and has destroyed any hope of me ever having a normal life.

I stopped at the liquor store and stocked up. I needed to drown my pain and I needed help. I could not face tomorrow knowing she would be marrying another man in her attempt to have a normal life.

I snort our lives could never be normal.

Normal was nine to five dinner on the table by seven and watching TV together till ten or eleven and then heading to bed together.

That was what she wanted, something I could never give a sense of normalcy in our hectic lives.

She had asked me once about children and my heart sank. I had always wondered what our children would look like. I knew they would take after her since heaven forbid one of them would take after me and….

I shook my head and berated myself for letting me slip back to my dream that was no longer attainable.

I drove home were I would stay for the next two days lock myself away from the world and come back as nothing had happen and back to my old self. Maybe I would finally retire. The fight in me was gone. Working behind a desk had dulled my senses and I had lost my edge. Maybe I'd retire. Go live off world, maybe Laira would take me back. She had loved me but only to give her children. The life there would be simple and I had made do for three months so it might work. Maybe I'd go back to Athos to Kinthia she was older now and she could make me forget a certain blond on earth.

I thought to myself who are you kidding you are so not ever going to get over her that as hard as you try she will always be in your mind and in your heart.

I drove up my drive and stopped. This was the last person I expected to be here. After what I had told her earlier today I thought she would have left me like Sam had. I got out of my truck and made my way up to my door. It opened and Kerry was at the door with a look of relief.

She had been acting strange since I walked into the house this morning from a long night at the base. She had stayed with me even though I told her I was exhausted and only wanted to sleep. She tried to get into bed with me but I told her no.

My mind had been made up that morning that I was going to write the letter and set my plan in motion and that included telling Kerry that I was sorry for leading her on and that she deserved better. I awoke to find her making me lunch.

I so did not deserve this woman and here she was never asking for anymore then what I have given her. I told her we needed to talk she said if it could wait she was going back to Washington that night for a meeting and she would be back for the weekend. I was about to tell her when the phone rang. It was for her and she was needed back on the base. She asked if it could wait and I looked at her and hated myself for what I was about to say.

I told her I could no longer see her that she deserved better and that I was not the man that would be able to commit to her. She asked me point blank was there someone else and I told her yes and no. She shook her head and said that we could make it work that she loved me and didn't want to lose me that I had become a big part of her life and that she wanted to build on that.

She pleaded with me to give us a chance. I told her I couldn't do anything till I got my head cleared. She said she understood and went to get her purse. She came to me and kissed me softly on my lips she said she loved me. Not the general, but the man that was Jack O'Neill and that she would fight for our love. I moved back and told her not to say that I was not worth the effort. She walked to the door and turned and said I was selling myself short that I was worth ten men but she would wait till I got my head together.

Then she surprised me by saying she loved me.

She left me then and I was in shock. She loved me? Why I was an ass most of the time and an old war horse months away from being put out to pasture. I could not do that to her I had to tell her the truth. I picked up the phone but she was not answering. I left her a message to please call me.

That was earlier that day. Before my reality came crashing down my life had changed in a blink of an eye. Sam did not care for me and I was going to be alone for all time.

It was almost 11:00 pm and she was at my door. I did not want company and I did not want to hurt her anymore. I deserved to be alone for the pain I had caused her.

I walked past her and she followed me to the kitchen. I asked her what she was doing at my house and she said had missed her plane and that she would be taking a flight the next day. She asked if she could stay and finish our talk.

I was about to send her to her hotel when the phone rang.

It was the SGC and I needed to get back to the base ASAP.

I was relieved I needed an out and I got it. I told her I had to go and she looked disappointed. I went to the door and turned around. I told her that I had not changed my mind and that we should not be seeing each other anymore. It was for the best. She tried to say something and I stopped her. I told her I could never truly commit to her. That she deserved to be loved and I was not the man for the job. I asked her to forgive me leading her on and that I loved her but was not in love with her. She turned away. I said if she wanted to stay it was fine that I'd be gone for a while. She whispered her thanks and said she was sorry and ran from the living room to the bathroom.

I left and headed for the SGC. I'd done enough damage and thought it was best to leave her alone. Let her hate me it would be easier for her to move on.

I had done enough damage for one day.

Arriving at the base I was surprised by all the activity. Teal'c came up to me and started to inform me of the rebel Jaffa's information he had received.

They were preparing for a strike against two minor Gou'alds that would free a great number of there fellow Jaffa and they could take over the ships and weapons that they had in their possession. He said he was joining Bray'tac and Ray'ac on this attack.

This was the answer I was looking for. I asked that we meet in the conference room in 1 hour I was going to contact the President on the new developments.

I informed the President on the developments and the significance this attack would have on the on going battle the Rebel Jaffa had been fighting with the Gou'ald. He agreed with me and said we should support this effort with everything we could supply them with. I then dropped my bombshell on him. I requested to accompany the Rebel Jaffa on this attack claiming I was the only one that could be used in this attack since we didn't know exactly what we would be facing. He said no that there had to be someone else. I was persistent and keep coming up with reasons why I should go.

I finally said I would retire and go on my own if I wasn't allowed to lead the attack to say the man was not a little ticked off by my tactics would be putting it mildly but said he'd give me a call back in an hour and that I was not to do anything rash until then.

I didn't care, I had nothing left the career I thought I wanted was not what it turned out to be. I was a soldier not a sit behind the desk type of guy.

I left my office and everyone involved was in the briefing room. Teal'c asked if they had the Tau'ri support I told him yes that the President had agreed to us helping him and his people with the attack. They started to plan what was needed and we decided to use the alpha base as our starting point. I pulled Teal'c and Bra'tac aside and told them about me coming along.

Teal'c looked surprised but pleased. He said it would be good to fight with his brother beside him in what might be the last fight for their freedom. Bra'tac questioned me as to why I wanted to join their fight but said he welcomed my help knowing I would do everything in my power to help them win this battle.

I had their backing. That's all I needed now if only the president would agree, if he didn't I'd hand in my resignation and walk through the gate not caring if I came back or not.

The only reason for me to stay or to have a reason to live no longer cared if I lived or died. She had made it clear to me when she did not show.

She would be married by the time I walked through that gate closing another sad chapter in my life. I could only bear so much before I finally cracked. Leaving was for the best it would be awkward between us if I was to stay with her knowing what was in my heart.

I went back to my office to write out three letters one to Daniel, one for Cassie and the last to General Hammond to explain my decision to leave.

I called Kerry to let her know I was not coming back that a mission had come up and it looked like a one way trip. She asked me not to go. I said I had to. She said she understood and told me she loved me, and that she was sorry. I told her that she had nothing to be sorry about. We hung up and I finished my letters.

The phone rang and it was General Hammond asking what the hell had gotten into me and I was not to move out of my office until he got there. I had forgotten he was in town for Carter's wedding and said I wasn't going to change my mind but only got a dial tone as a response.

I went to locker room and started to gear up either way with the president's blessing or without it I was checking out of planet earth and starting life out in the stars. I needed to go it was time and I would rather be out there fighting then sitting here and watching her be happy with out me.


	4. todays the day

Today's the day. The day that will start the rest of my life so why do I feel like I'm going to my death. I've been having trouble breathing since the morning and feeling dizzy. This should be the happiest day of my life so why am I so miserable.

The day before had been devastating for me. I had written down my feeling for the man that had captured my heart in a letter and waited to see how he would respond. He never responded, which had taken me by surprise. I had always thought we had a connection. But this only proved to me my interpretation of his feeling for me were wrong.

I was shattered and had left the house to get myself together. I had driven to a secluded place and cried till I had no more tears to cry. It was late when I came back and Pete was waiting for me and I fell into his arms and kissed him thanking god I had not let him know what I was up too. I would have ended up hurting him for no reason.

Pete was my future now. I knew I could eventually care for him but my heart had been shattered, the man I loved didn't love me back. It was such a blow to me but I knew that Pete would be there no matter what. He had turned out to be my sure bet. When I came home he had fixed me a cup of tea and was restless and kept telling me he loved me and wished the day would hurry and end so that our wedding day would finally be here.

Did he know I was having second thoughts? I had to quell his fear. He loved me and would care for me. All I had to do was open my heart and he would fill it with his love. I reassured him that tomorrow would be here before we knew it and we could spend our lives together.

Jack had made the decision for us by not responding. Whether it was his pride or he truly didn't love me as I loved him it was done. No turning back now my future had been sealed.

I woke up and got ready to go to the chapel. Cassie had come early to help me but seemed distant. She never understood why I had chosen to marry Pete. I told her she would never understand. She said she understood more then I would ever know and only hope that I was not making a mistake that the real man I was suppose to marry wasn't here and it was a shame I could not see that. If she only knew that the man she was talking about didn't share these same feelings. It was done in my mind and the sooner this day was over the sooner I could start my new life.

We arrived at the chapel and that's when my nerves started to take over. I couldn't keep anything down I was a bundle of nerves and watching the clock tick by was the worse. I had not heard from Daniel or Teal'c. They should have been here by now. Had the general showed them the letter professing my love to him and were they angry with me for waiting so long?

These ideals were roaming in my head, but stopped when there was a knock and Daniel asked if he could come in.

He was speechless when he saw me in my dress. The dress Pete's mother had insisted I get since the one I wanted was to plain for her son's wife to be. I motioned him in and he came across the room and gave me a hug I looked over his shoulder and wondered were was Teal'c or the general. I thought he would at least show up to wish me well.

I asked where was Teal'c and he said that an emergency had arisen and he would not be able to stay. I asked what the emergency was and he explained that the rebel Jaffa were asking for our help in overthrowing two minor goua'lds and Teal'c was going to lead one of the attack groups. Daniel went on to explain that was the reason why Teal'c had not come to the wedding.

He said he wanted to see me before I walked down the aisle. I wanted to ask about Jack but was interrupted by a knock at the door. It was Mark asking if I was ready I stood up and nodded yes. Daniel gave me a squeeze to my hand and Cassie a kiss on my cheek. I asked him to please stay he said he couldn't that he was needed to translate and said he wished me the best he kissed me on the cheek and whispered there was still time to call it off.

I was surprised by his comments and smiled and nodded no. He stepped back and said he'd see me in a week and walked out.

Mark took my hand and walked me out of the room in more turmoil then when I got to the chapel.

The music started and I was walking down the aisle. Mark was saying something but I wasn't paying attention. My mind was back to the letter I wrote. One question kept haunting me. Why? Why did he not respond? Why didn't he love me? Why did I wait so long? My heart started to race and I looked up to see we had arrived at the altar.

I turned to see Pete and he lifted my veil. He smiled at me and I closed my eyes. I grabbed his hand and he whispered if I was okay, I nodded and the preacher started the ceremony.

I was drowning. My mind was racing my heart was beating fast and my lungs started to fail. My mind had forgotten how to breathe.

I started to squeeze Pete's hand and he looked at me and asked what was wrong. The preacher stopped and asked what was the matter.

I put my hand to my chest and said I couldn't breath and almost collapsed. Pete grabbed me by my upper arms and Mark and Cassie came up the aisle to help.

There were too many of them I needed some air and quickly. I pushed them aside and Pete asked what I wanted I said to go outside I needed some air it was nerves. He smiled and said okay Cassie said she'd take me outside for a few minutes and he handed her his overcoat wanting to make sure I was warm since the day was chilly.

She put it over my shoulders and Pete was left to explain what was going on. Outside I walked to the side and leaned against he chapel.

Cassie asked if I was sick I told her no it was nothing but an anxiety attack. She said I had been wound tight since yesterday and that I must have decided now was a good time to snap. I chuckled and agreed with her. She started to shiver and told her to go get her coat I'd be okay right her. She left and I was alone. I was thinking of Jack.

I was thinking things would never be the same between us. I had crossed the line by telling him what I truly felt. Would I have to transfer to another facility? I had made such a mess of my life, if only I had just not written that letter. The coat was slipping so I put it on the sleeves were too big but it didn't matter I was almost back to normal and I would not be wearing it up at the altar. I put my hand in one of the pockets hoping to find some gum but pulled out an envelope with my name on it.

The handwriting was not Pete's.

It was Jack's.

Had he come to the chapel to drop this off I looked around to see if his truck was still around but didn't find it.

The envelope had been opened and I was surprised why would Pete open a letter addressed to me?

I took out the letter and there was an airline ticket in it. I was more confused then ever. So I started to read the letter.

I feel to my knees. The letter was Jack's confession of his feeling for me. I started to cry and wiped the tears from my eyes but more came. He wrote about everything he felt for me the pain of not being able to tell me face to face and to hold me. He wrote on how he didn't want to leave it in the room and how he felt when I almost died in his arms. That he could never survive knowing I was no longer going to be a part of his life.

He then asked me if I care anything for him to meet him at the airport to take that fishing trip he had always wanted us to take. He said he'd be waiting and if I didn't show he'd understand he was too late but at least I would know what he truly felt.

I looked at the ticket with yesterdays date on it.

Yesterday's date, oh no I never showed he thinks I don't care he thinks I don't love him.

I screamed out no. I got up Mark, Pete and Cassie came rushing outside.

I looked at Pete and showed him the letter. He paled and started to stammer saying he could explain.

Mark asked explain what.

I showed him the letter from Jack and said there was no explanation needed. He had hid the letter from me knowing all along that Jack cared for me. I asked him how could he keep it from me? That the letter was all the explaining I needed. I took off my ring and threw it at him and started to yell at him.

Mark spoke up and I looked at him, he said he told Pete to keep it from me.

I spun around and started to yell at him and ask him why would he do that.

He said Jack was military and if he was anything like their father then he knew he wasn't good enough for me. He went on to say that Pete was the right man for me even though I couldn't see it now.

I was beyond reason. I started to yell at Mark and ask what made him an authority on my life? He had never wanted to be around when I needed him that the military had become my family and the man that had wrote the letter was more of a man then he or Pete could ever wish to be.

Cassie grabbed me before I could say anymore and I stopped.

I turned around and said she was right the man I was supposed to marry wasn't here and I was going to change that.

I took off Pete's coat and turned to the limo that was waiting. Pete came up to me and said he only did it because he loved me and didn't want to lose me. I tried to pull away from him and said I could never love him like he wanted me to love him and now for keeping the letter from me I could only hate him. He asked if I had ever truly loved him. I said I was beginning to but now it was too late. He had shattered any trust we had developed.

'If he leaves thinking I got this letter and shunned him I will never forgive you Pete. You should had let me decided its my life and I'm sorry it ended like this but I can't marry you not now or ever."

Mark was apologizing and Cassie was pushing him back saying to let me go that the damage was done. Cassie jumped into the limo and I turned towards Mark and said he had no right to make decisions on my life and that I hope I wasn't to late because if I lost Jack because of his meddling I would never speak to him again.

We left and headed over to his house hoping he was there. I wondered if he had read my letter and had written the one in my hand as a response? I told the driver to hurry I needed to see him now.

The limo didn't even stop when I went running up the driveway and pounding on the door.

It opened and Kerry was there.

She looked shocked to see me in my wedding dress and asked what I was doing there.

I pushed her aside and started to call out to Jack.

She followed me and said wasn't I suppose to be getting married? I glared at her and went into his bedroom calling his name.

I asked her where was he? She was sitting on the couch and said he wasn't there that he had gotten a call last night about an emergency at the SGC.

She then said he had broken it off with her yesterday saying he could not lead her on any longer that he cared for her but didn't love her and that she deserved better. She laughed and said that she was a fool to think she could ever replace me in his heart.

I blushed. Where our feeling for each other so transparent to others but ourselves?

She stood up and said he had called her this morning saying he was going on the mission with the Jaffa and that he would be gone for quiet some time and to forget about him that she deserved to be loved by someone that would truly cherish her. She came up to me and handed me my letter.

I gasped and she said she knew it was always me in his heart and if I truly did love him then I would go to him and tell him because he never got the letter.

She walked to the door and said she was sorry and if I could tell Jack the same. She only wanted his love but after reading my letter she knew there was no chance in hell she could compete with me for his love.

He never got my letter. That's why he didn't respond. I looked down at the two envelopes that would have sealed our fate and now I had to show him that I did love him and I had proof he loved me too. I ran out of the house and back to the limo ordering the driver to the SGC. Cassie looked at me and I showed her my letter and explained what Kerry had said.

I needed to get there before it was too late. Before he left thinking I didn't love him and he had no reason to come back.


	5. Letters found Love almost lost

They've all tried to talk me out of this but I won't listen. I've made up my mind it's done I have no ties left on this world. The only thing that was holding me here no longer wants me and is at this very moment walking down the aisle to her happily ever after.

I slam the door of my locker and see Walter wince. He's here as a last ditch effort to talk me out of leaving.

I think he's relieved that I'm leaving, he doesn't have to baby sit me any longer and I bet he'd have more time to pursue that cute nurse that started working at the infirmary. He thinks I don't know he's been going down there a lot to make sure they don't run out of anything and is all smiles when he comes back. Good for you Walter if I can't have any luck in love I'm glad you are.

I turned and nod my head no and tell him I'm still going that the only thing that would keep me from going would be an act of God.

Walter tells me he will miss me and it won't be the same without me here. He also tells me that General Hammond wants to speak to me before I get to the gate room.

I outstretch my hand and he looks puzzled and takes it. I shake it and tell him thank you for helping me out with all the paperwork and everything and I wouldn't forget him.

He's speechless and starts to blush and says it was an honor working with me and I leave a huge hole that will be hard to replace. He also says it wasn't as bad as he thought it was going to be and to give myself some credit. I tell him thanks and then tell him to tell the General I'd be right up.

That was the fifth person that's tried to talk me out of going but I am. I have to don't they understand if I don't go I will go bonkers here. I can't stand by and watch her be Mrs. Pete Shanahan.

I wince that name leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. I sit back on the bench and wonder if I'm not taking this too far. I stand up and decided no. I can't bear to be here when she comes back from her honeymoon happy as a clam and with the knowledge that not only is her husband in love with her so is her CO. No I waited to long to let her know how I truly feel and to imagine her pregnant with his child was more then I can bear.

I moan and curse myself for doing this again. I said I would stop dwelling I needed to get my head into the mission it was important to Teal'c and the rest of the Rebel Jaffa and I would not let them down.

I grab my pack and head for the gateroom. I glance at my watch and know the ceremony is over. She is the new Mrs. Pete Shanahan and my dream to make her Mrs. Jack O'Neill has turned to dust.

* * *

The two letters that held our destiny are in my hands. I look at the letter I wrote to him and bite my lip.

He never got to read what was in my heart. We were kept apart by two people that knew if we found out the truth they would not be able to stop us from being together. This love we share is bigger then both of us and can no longer be held in that room. It's obvious to everyone that we should be together so obvious to us that we almost missed the chance at happiness.

I open his letter again and re read it for the 3 time. Tears start to well up in my eyes again. The emotion in this letter would make anyone cry he's putting everything he feels for me on two pieces of paper and to have him think that I would not respond and to leave him waiting for me at the airport is too much for me to handle. I let out a moan and close my eyes. I press the letter to my chest and will this car to get there faster.

Cassie is yelling at the drive to hurry that we have to get to the mountain now and to step on the gas. She grabs my hand and says not to worry that we would make it in time.

I nod but don't hold out much hope. He's hurt I know it and all he would want to do is run. To get away, I know this because that is what I would do if I knew he was about to marry another woman. After confessing my true feelings in writing for him and then have him standing me up I would run too.

I never heard Cassie curse so much in my life. She's hanging around Jack too much. Jack just his name makes me want to cry. I would give everything I had and more just to be able to see him one more time. To show him I do love him.

We could not call the SGC. In our haste to leave we had both left our bags back at the chapel and the phone in the limo was broken no calls could go out or in and the driver had forgotten his at home.

It seems like the powers that be were striving to keep us apart. But Cassie kept whispering to me to have faith. God would not keep us apart.

What if he tells me it's too late? I open my eyes and really think of this I had never thought of this scenario. I take a deep breath, and think to myself that I would rather know then not know. I could never go back to the way things where, not after reading the letter.

My hands are in my dress and I grab the material. I really hated this dress, why did I let Pete's mother talk me into getting this big monstrous dress? Because you didn't want to get married and you were only going through the motions knowing deep in your heart you could never love Pete.

We're almost there and I send out a silent prayer I hope I am not too late to undo this horrible injustice done to us. The truth will right the wrongs that have been done to us and if he is not there I will take over the gate and walk through in this hideous gown and find the only man I was ever suppose to marry.

I run out of the car and Cassie is following me. The guard at the first check point is speechless as I sign my name and tell him Cassie has clearance but he doesn't stop us he probably thinks it's a dream that a Colonel of the Air Force just came through in her wedding dress.

We're in the elevator and Cassie keeps pressing the button and yelling at it to hurry. The doors open and we make our way to the next checkpoint. I get the same reaction but we are stopped by an airman when he asks me for ID and who was Cassie.

I start barking orders at the poor man, telling him my name and rank emphasizing the rank and ask if he wanted to be transferred to Antarctica. Before gets to answer I start yelling at him what I would do to him if I was not allowed to get on to the last elevator. Siler has heard my rant and says to the airman that I am a Lt. Colonel and to let me through. I glare at the airman and Cassie is dragging me to the elevator. I turn around and say if I miss the General I would be back to personally kick his ass.

The doors open and we get in. Cassie's hand is still on my arm. She whispers for me to breathe and I snap out of my Colonel mode.

That's when I hear the announcement, the gate has been activated. I lean against the elevator and close my eyes. Cassie is pressing the button and yelling at the panel to hurry.

If that airman delayed me from getting to the gate I don't know what I will do. I still have to tell him what is in my heart. He can't leave thinking I don't love him as much as he loves me.

The doors open and I nearly knock Daniel down Cassie is behind me and is yelling at me to go that she will take care of Daniel I run pass Jaffa and SGC personal I need to get to the gate room I have to find him. I need him.

* * *

General Hammond gave me one last chance and I handed him my letter of resignation telling him that it was for the best. That I would make a bigger difference out there fighting with the Rebel Jaffa then sitting behind a desk. He says he spoke to the President and is not allowed to accept it. I leave it at his desk and I tell him I wasn't going to change my mind.

He asked me if this was what I really wanted, I nodded yes and let slip that I had no more ties here. He said I had my friends and Cassie and a home. I told him no that everyone was going there separate ways and Cassie also had him the guys and Sam. I hesitated when I said her name and he saw this. It dawned on him that this was the reason I was leaving and he let it go.

He asked if I was ready and I said I was. I had gotten everything I needed and if I needed anything else I'd contact the Alpha site.

I asked him if he could do me a favor. He said anything.

I handed him two letters. One was for Daniel. He had left upset saying I was running away from my problems and that I should have fought for what I wanted and not let her slip through my fingers. I told him that was not what I was doing the Rebel Jaffa needed me and I would not let them down. He said that I was being my old typical self and that I only had myself to blame. His words tore at me but he was right. I acted like I didn't know what he was talking about and he left in anger. Saying he wanted to wish Sam happiness in her marriage he left for the chapel. He said it to get a reaction and I just turned and walked out of the room.

The other was for Cassie. Telling her I was sorry for leaving but she was well on her way of becoming a beautiful young woman and that I knew whatever she put her mind to she would succeed. I told her how proud her mother would be of her and that she had Daniel, the general, Sam and now Pete to be there for her. I told her I loved her and that I had left a trust fund in her name so she could use it after she turned 21. I said I'd try to contact her when I got back but if not I gave her one piece of advice. To never hide what she truly felt and to always be happy. That life was too short.

He took them from me and I said just in case. He looked up and said just in case what son? I didn't answer, and he decided to let it drop. I asked him if he could wait until I had left to give Daniel my letter he smiled and said okay.

I apologized to him he had missed Sam's wedding. He said he had not called to apologize for not showing but Daniel would have explained the situation. I got up and saluted him and said it was an honor serving under him and I thanked him for the chance to run the SGC. He said I deserved it and to believe it when he said he never regretted his recommendation to the President.

I smiled and whispered thanks.

He walked me out of the room and I told him who he had to contact for me to sell the house and the lawyer that had all the paperwork. He said he'd do it for me. I told him thank you again.

I came into the gate room and stood next to Teal'c. He asked if I was ready and I pulled my cap out of my pocket and said yeah lets get this thing started. He bowed and said indeed.

I started to fidget with my vest and gun. I made sure I had packed everything I needed. I went to the other SGC personal that were coming along to make sure they were ready and they had not forgot anything. They double checked and we were ready to go.

The gate started to turn and we waited at the bottom of the ramp. My heart was beating fast. As soon as I walked through that gate it would be over. No more Sam no more SGC no more family. I closed my eyes and remember what I had in my pocket I walked to the side of the gate and pulled it out. It was a picture of her. I couldn't throw it away. It was here smiling and I could not bear to tear it to pieces. I outlined it with my finger and sighed. She was no longer mine I had to face up to this truth.

The gate kawooshed and I looked up ready to go. I put the picture back into my pocket promising myself I would destroy it tonight while on watch. The Rebel Jaffa were going through as were the other personal.

Teal'c waited for me and we started to go up the ramp. I turned around and looked up to see General Hammond he came close to the microphone and said god speed. I smiled and turned to go in the wormhole when I heard someone call out my name.

No I'm imagining things. It sounded like Carter. I shook my head and kept going. I heard it again and this time louder and to please stop.

I spun around and was surprised at what I saw.

There was the object of my affection. The love of my life, the keeper of my heart the woman that had devastated my life by standing me up at the airport and who did not love me as I loved her.

She was pushing her way through Rebel Jaffa and personal. She was running towards me and pleading for me to stop that she had gotten my letter.

Oh that letter would come to haunt me to my grave.

I realized what she was wearing. She was in her wedding dress. What was she doing here in her wedding dress? I looked behind her looking for the groom. Did they want to bid me farewell and show me how happy they were now that she was Ms. Shanahan.

I closed my eyes and shook my head everyone stopped and parted to the sides of the room Teal'c took my gun and pack from me and whispered to me to listen with my heart not my mind. He bowed his head and passed Sam who was on the ramp with me.

The wormhole was still activated and I was staring at her. She looked like she had been crying. Why? For me I wasn't worth her tears. She had made that clear when she had not shown up at the airport. I was a fool to ever think she would care for me.

I finally found my voice and spoke. I asked what she was doing here. I told her we were about to embark on a mission and asked again what she was doing here. She held out the letter she was so choked up at my tone to her she could not speak.

I whispered to her she had nothing to feel bad about, that this was all my fault. If I had not pushed her away and told her to get a life and if I had had the courage to tell her exactly how I felt the letter would not have been necessary. I told her I got her message when she did not show at the airport. It was alright I had accepted that she could not love me and to turn around and leave so she could start her life with Pete.

She gasped and took my hand. She then pulled out another letter. It had my name on it and she pressed it to my hand. She whispered that I was a stupid man but she understood my anger. She said Kerry had kept it from me and before I said anything else to please read it.

I looked at her and was surprised. Kerry had kept it from me? I looked at the envelope and it was in Sam's writing. I opened it and started to read. It was a letter almost exactly like mine confessing what Sam truly felt for me. She said that she could not lie to herself any longer and that she had tried to find someone to replace me in her heart but as much as she tried she couldn't. There could not be another to fill my place in her heart. She loved me had always loved me and was willing to do anything for us to be together. She could not bear to live another day without me. She needed me in her life. She wanted me because I knew her so well that she did not have to pretend to be someone she was not. I had made her the person she was today and would not have strive to do more if it wasn't for the love and respect she felt for me. She wrote she was breaking up with Pete the wedding and him were all a mistake. She said she could not marry him because she was not in love with him. She was in love with me and had been for a long time.

She said to come to her to please tell her what she felt for me was not a mistake. That if I felt the same we could make it work. She would give everything up for me she would retire stay at home and have my children all I had to do was let her know that I felt the same. the love she felt for me was different and if she was too late she would understand knowing she had waited to long to tell me what she felt. She only wanted me to be happy and if I didn't love her anymore she would accept it and move on. She said our love was not ordinary it was unique as I was but worth it. She loved the man I was her knight in shining armor and even though the armor was tarnished and dinged she loved the man that wore it. She ended the letter by asked me one question at the end Jack O'Neill do you love me?

I finished and looked up at her I was speechless. She was crying and I was trying hard not to let the tears fall from my eyes. She whispered that Pete had kept the letter from her that she would have come if she had gotten it in time and that she was so sorry that I had thought that she did not care.

She loved me.

I cleared my throat and asked her if she wanted an answer to her question. She nodded yes afraid to talk. I pulled her into my arms and whispered in her ear that I had loved her since the first day we met and would continue to love her till my last breath. She squealed and I picked her up and twirled her around and kissed her.

Cheers erupted in the room and we stopped to look. We had forgotten were we where at and Sam hid her face in my neck and started to giggle.

I was smiling my face hurt, she was here because she loved me. I had almost walked out on our love and would have regretted it every day of our lives.

General Hammond asked me to come to the control room and I turned to Teal'c. The mission I had promised him and the Rebel Jaffa that I would help. Teal'c said he understood and that there were other reasons why I was going. He said he was pleased that we had finally found each other.

Cassie was overjoyed and said it was about time we pulled our heads out of our… Sam stopped her before she finished her sentence and looked at me. Yeah she was spending too much time with me.

Daniel was beaming. He was so happy for both of us he didn't know what to say but congratulations in almost ruining each others lives. But, he was glad we hadn't and that he was more glad that we were finally going to be together.

I pulled her with me to the control room. If I was going to be in trouble then she was going to take the brunt of it with me.

He brought us to my old office and asked what was going on after Sam explained the letters and how they had been kept from us he understood. He handed me back my letter and I nodded no. He was surprised and said why was I still retiring.

I pulled Sam to me and said so I can do this. I kissed her there in front of the General in my old office. She kissed me back and when we finally came up for air we both turned to the General who was shaking his head and talking to the President.

This day that had start out the worse day of my life had turned around to be the best one with more to come as long as Sam was at my side.


End file.
